other Releases

The Story Behind "Settle In"

"after returning home from the mission field at 22, weary from heartache and abuse, i began struggling with a debilitating chronic illness. i looked for answers and begged God to heal me so i could get on with my life; He said no. my suffering came to a head during our first year of marriage, with deep grief and shame as i felt overcome with self hatred & loneliness. i - a stubborn and independent fighter - was suddenly incapable of everything. i spent many months in bed, passed out while driving, lost my job, gained thirty pounds, and grew pale & weak. Brandon would feed me and wash my hair when the pain became too much to handle. it was so intimate, and so humiliating. what had become of me? what did i have to offer? nothing.
the mountain of anger I felt towards God was an insurmountable climb, like dunes in the desert of my soul. had it not been for my husband, who lovingly guided me through the temptation to give up entirely, i would not have come home to the Lord. but through His grace, and Brandon's patient leadership, i began slowly engaging my faith once again. Jesus met me in starry, sleepless nights, through the howling wind and salty, bitter tears. He met me at my piano and through the unconditional love of my family, kittens, and true friends, wrapped tightly in knit blankets, downing electrolytes & ibuprofen. He met me at ocean shores, through the sun & waves that washed the sand & heaviness away. it was during this time that my heart was softened again: eroded by the wind, sand, and water. i now know my Savior more deeply than I ever could have dreamed, by sharing in His suffering. though my body remains broken, I am grateful for it, because it has taught me how to settle in, again. 

i wouldn't trade it for the world, but someday i will trade it for Heaven."